Education Groups - Session 1 of 2
Agenda
* Welcome and Housekeeping
* Confidentiality
* Ice Breaker
* Aims of the Sessions
* Myths of Adoption
* Historical Context
Morning Tea
* Guest Speaker - Adoptive Parent
* How Does A Child Come To Be Adopted?
* Genograms / Circle of Support
Lunch
* Identity Development in Adopted Children
* Attachment
* Guest Speaker - Relinquishing Mother
* Reflection on Session / Next Week
Welcome and Housekeeping
The duration of today's session: 10am - 4pm
Location of toilets, and tea & coffee.
Mobiles to be turned off.
Smoke outside the building.
Lunch is an hour break, shops are nearby.
Today's group is unusually large and has approx. 40 people or 20 couples.
They offer choice counseling and have the CHOICES program to support women under 25.
Confidentiality
What is said in this group. During these sessions you may hear some personal stories, feelings and emotions from speakers, staff and your fellow group members. It is essential that people feel that their privacy is being respected so that they can feel "safe" to share these things.
Ice Breaker
Introductions. Say your name and state three things about yourself.
Aims of these Sessions
* To provide you with information to allow you to explore sensitive issues common fears and anxieties.
* To assist you to recognise that adoption involves three people physically, emotionally and psychologically; however there may be more people and relationships involved.
* To understand the lifelong nature and impact of adoption for all of the parties involved.
* Examine their personal motivation for becoming adoptive parents.
* Consider their individual and joint expectations of adoptive parenting.
* Consider whether adoption is for you. Many people at this session may not have decided if adoption is for them.
Some fears of prospective adoptive parents are that they will not be the 'real' parent, talking about adoption with kids, worries about known & unknown genetics, relationships with birth families, the possibility of conception following adoption, feeling adoption is 2nd best to biological children, dealing with the grief of infertility, fears of bonding with child, concerns about being a good parent, and a feeling of unpreparedness without nine months of pregnancy to get ready - you could get a call on Monday and become a parent on Friday.
Program Overview.
Adoption and Permanent Care services in Victoria.
Our roles and responsibilities.
You can have a dual listing for Permanent Care and Infant Adoption.
Myths of Adoption
Adoption is not common knowledge in Australia. Many people don't believe infant adoption exists in Victoria.
Myths concerning adoptees -
* Adopted people only seek information about or contact with their birth family if they are unhappy in their relationship with their adoptive parents, or if it is somehow 'lacking'.
* Once the adoptee had contact with his/her birth family, his/her relationship with their adoptive parents will be diminished.
* Adoptees who do not talk or ask about their adoption or their birth families are not curious about their genealogical origins.
* You can't miss what you've never known. Seeing parts of yourself in other family members is reassuring.
Myths concerning adoptive parents -
* Raising an adopted child is identical to raising a biological child - you have the same benefits and difficulties but with the extra pressure of issues surrounding the child's identity and the birth family.
* Adoptive parents are super parents who have no difficulties in parenting.
* Adoptive parents are ordinary parents who have the same job as everyone else.
* The objective of adoptive parenting is to wipe out a child's past as though it had never happened.
* Obtaining a child through adoption is easy or hard.
Myths concerning birth parents -
* People who relinquish a child should get on with their life and forget the experience. They should leave the past in the past.
* Birthmothers and fathers did not want to leave the baby.
* Birthfathers have no significance beyond being the 'sperm donor' for adoption. Actually, birthfathers are often neglected by the adoption process. Birthmothers can choose not to involve the birthfather.
* Birth parents made a choice. Signing consent to adoption is like signing any other contract in life.
* Birth parents are young teenagers.
Historical Context
Mid 19th century to 1928:
* Adoption did not exist as a legal entity.
* No organised foster care system.
* Public concern about the practices of 'baby farmers' led to the passing of the Infant Life Protection Act in the late nineteenth century. This allowed for mild screening and regulation of carers of children.
* There were Children's Homes and 'boarding out'.
* Children were stigmatised by 'illegitimacy'.
Victorian Adoption Act (Vic) 1928:
* Strongly motivated by considerations of inheritance.
* First permanent way for couples who were unable to have children to become parents and legitimise their children's status.
* New registration of birth was created. Secrecy was seen as desirable but could not be guaranteed.
* Private or 'solicitor's' adoptions were made, as well as through agencies and government.
Adoption Act (Vic) 1964:
* Adoptions could only be arranged by Government approved agencies. There were no more private or solicitor's adoptions.
* Adoptions can be made via Dispensation of Consent. This can happen where the parents can't or won't sign the order or no one knows where they are. When the parents disappear after birth and before giving consent this is considered abandonment and babies are usually placed through the Permanent Care program but they do sometimes go through the Infant Adoption program with Dispensation of Consent.
* Family adoptions were seen as too confusing for those involved. You're no longer able to adopt a sisters baby (for example), instead you have to go to court to get a Parenting Order.
* Highest number of adoptions per year occurred in the 60s and 70s. In 1968 there were 1800 adoptions in Victoria alone.
* By the mid 70's birth parents and adopted persons were actively campaigning for more open adoptions and access to information.
* Birth parents wanted to be reassured that the baby was alive, safe and happy. People started talking about adoption more openly. Some birth parents were concerned about letting adoptees know about breast cancer and other genetic diseases.
* Adoptees wanted to read where they came from. Turning up on door steps was and is rare.
Adoption Act (Vic) 1984:
* Open Adoption practices began in Victoria, the first State in Australia and the first place in the western world.
* After an adoptee turns 18 years old she/he has the right to receive identifying information. Before then the agency may be able to provide answers to any questions adoptees and adoptive parents have. The agency will hold onto the original birth certificate until the child turns 18.
* Birth parents are able to be given identifying information but only with the consent of the adopted person.
* Prior to the child turning 18, identifying information is only to be provided with the written consent of the adoptive parents and the birth parents.
* Differing levels of access to information available via the Adoption Information Services for those involved in past (closed) adoptions and their relatives.
* Recognition of the rights of children of adopted people to information about their parent's adoption.
* Mandatory relinquishment counseling for birth parents - a minimum of 3 sessions before the child can legally be relinquished.
Adoption in Victoria now:
* Since 1984, at the time of relinquishment, birth parents can express wishes regarding religion, race, and ethnic background of the adoptive parents, as well as regarding contact with the child and the exchange of information (e.g. letters/photos) to occur whilst the child is growing up. These my be a condition of the Adoption Order. They may also specify if they would like the child raised as the youngest of four, an only child, etc.
* The average number of local adoptions in Victoria is 15 over the last few years.
* Birth parents are coming from more complex backgrounds and babies are quite often older when placed (between 2 - 12 months).
* Babies are able to be in foster care for as long as needed while the birth family makes their decision. However after six months in care pressure is put on birth parents to make the decision to parent the child or place them for adoption.
* Agencies promote openness and encourage against living a lie.
* Social workers now try to record small details (first tooth, first steps, etc...) on the records of adoptees.
* Adoptive parents are also encouraged to record all the details of the initial meeting with the birth parent as this may be the only contact you have and can provide some answers for adopted children later on.
Possible reasons for lower numbers:
* Better birth control available.
* Less stigma for single parents.
* Greater availability of financial support to sole parents.
* Availability of safe, legal terminations of pregnancy.
* Enhanced range of fertility treatments and other parenting options (e.g. inter-country adoption) for prospective parents.
* The future - equal rights to access for birth mothers veto.
It's important to consider the impact of the adoption process. In the future we may regret things like reissuing birth certificates with the adoptive parents information. The hope is that being child focused will prevent regrets.
When a birth mother has signed an Adoption Order she is provided with three profiles that are chosen from the Central Resource Exchange to match their preferences as close as possible. The profiles in the CRE are 11,000 words or 30 pages long, from that the birth mother will be given 3 pages of non-identifying information. Birth families are encouraged to choose the family themselves as this tends to work best. Once they're chosen the prospective family will be contacted and will have 24 hours to say yes or no. From then on birth families are not able to change their mind. Within a week there will be an initial meeting if possible followed by the transfer of the baby from foster care to their adoptive parents.
Prospective adoptive parents are encouraged to say something if they feel the placement won't work. You have to learn to love the child, it doesn't just happen. Recently a placement broke down after the adoptive parents had wanted a boy, but adopted a girl. In this case the child is re-adopted and the adoptive parents will be placed back in the pool of prospective parents.
Previously women couldn't name the baby, now they are encouraged to name them. If the birth mother hasn't named the child, often nursing staff, social workers or foster carers will name the baby. The name will be on the birth certificate but adoptive parents have the right to change that name. In that case it's important to consider the significance of the name and whether the birth mother has requested that the name not be changed.
Guest Speaker - Adoptive Family
Notes -
* After 15 years of IVF they were surprised to be approved in July and to bring their daughter home in September. The adoption was legalised the following year in November.
* It was a special needs adoption due to unknown family history and medical concerns.
* There was nine days from the phone call to taking their daughter home.
* In that time they spent time with their daughter and her foster family at the foster parents house getting used to each other and learning about their daughter and her routine. She was her foster parents 75th foster child and they still keep in contact through email.
* The little girl was relinquished at the hospital where her mother thought she'd signed everything necessary and went missing for six months. As as result she was not placed for adoption until she was almost 12 months old.
* The adoptive mother feels angry when people ask about her daughters 'real' mother as she is her real mother. She feels that her daughter is "meant to be with us."
* Her daughter is treated the same as her cousins.
* When asked why they don't look alike she says that her daughter takes after the other side of the family. Only close friends and family know she is adopted.
* Her daughter has an album of her birth family, knows her birth mother's name and calls her "tummy mummy". The photos are important as her adoptive mother wants her to be able to recognise her birth mother if they meet again.
* Her birth mother was happy they kept the name she gave her.
* The birthmother hasn't told her family about the adoption, she doesn't know who the birth father is but has told her other children about her adopted child.
* The Adoption Order specifies two visits a year but the birth mother is yet to request a visit.
* The adoptive mother says if the adoption doesn't feel right, don't do it.
* It's important to spend the first week at home without visitors.
Genogram
* Common tool used in agency and clinical settings.
* Helps us to visually 'map' out our family background.
* Assists in reflecting upon family relationships and influences.
* Highlights patterns of intergenerational influence.
Homework to be completed before next session -
Complete genogram fo 3/4 generations, from grandparents through to children. Use an A3 piece of paper or computer program and record things such as name, age, gender, major life events, strength of relationships, etc.
Circle of Support
This identifies important people and places in our lives. It allows us to reflect on the strength, positives and negatives of those relationships - are they all 2 way? It allows us to address power imbalances and identifies the key support people and places. Circles of support are important in times of stress. It can indicate your resilience and ability to cope. If you feel you may need more support you may want to join some parenting groups, clubs, etc. Parenting is hard and you need someone to help and assist you, listen and help find solutions to any problems.
How Does A Child Come To Be Adopted?
What are some of the reasons for birth parents to consider adoption?
* Financial problems.
* Lack of support.
* Family pressure.
* Rape.
* Age - feel too old / young.
* Religious beliefs.
* Disability.
* Mental illness.
* Drug & alcohol abuse.
* Feelings of instability.
* Fear of not being able to provide a safe home.
* Long term illness.
Birthfamilies go through the five stages of grief. Feelings include ambivalence, shame, guilt, unworthiness and lack of self worth. They may feel sad, overwhelmed, angry, guilty, and denial. These feelings are part of a defense mechanism that allows gradual adjustment to prevent them from feeling overwhelmed by the situation, however these feelings must be over come for them to be able to move forward although the feelings will never entirely go away.
Before a child is able to be adopted the following has to happen -
* Conception - usually unplanned and may be unconsential.
* Pregnancy - often denied and hidden, meaning a possible lack of medical check ups and often the babies are not full term.
* Birth.
* Decision to relinquish (although this may happen at any stage).
* Adoption agency contact.
* Relinquishment counseling - must attend at least 3 sessions for intense education so they can provide an informed decision.
* Pre-adoptive foster care.
* Consent - can't be given until 16 days after birth. Following consent being given there is a 28 day cooling off period that can be extended by 14 days.
* Linking/birth parents are involved and specify what they want in an adoptive family.
* Transition from foster care to adoptive parents - usually five days. During this time adoptive parents will learn about their child's routine, likes, and dislikes through visits, taking the baby during the day and overnight visits.
* Placement and post-placement support.
* Legalisation - this takes 12 months from the placement during which time you need permission for travel and some medical treatment. It is done at the County Court and adoptive parents need to budget $3000-$5000 for a lawyer to represent them. If money is a problem this can be delayed.
Identity Development in Adopted Children
Identity - Consider the question, "Who am I?" Take five minutes to write down ten answers to that question. Quite likely you nominated your ethnicity, gender, age, marital status, occupation, where you live, and then going back, position in family of origin, where you were born &/or lived as a child, possibly something in relation to your parents' origins, maybe something about your politics, religion, likes/dislikes, etc. Hence you probably see your identity in terms of group memberships - race/nationality, sex, age group, social roles, community, family, attitude groups. Maybe you will have also noted things that you believe make you unique?
Consider the question from the point of view of an adult who was raised by adoptive parents. Which aspects of identity definition are likely to be more complicated? Knowledge of self is drawing on family knowledge. Differences for adopted people - culture/ethnicity, extended family, lack of knowledge about birth parents. Establishing a Life Story Book can help an adopted child understand where they came from, and hence who they are.
Development of identity is a crucial and ongoing task. Information on one's background & past assists a child to form a full picture of themselves; support, nurturing and openness help them to shape a positive sense of the future. Our history and roots are integral to our sense of identity. A child can learn about yours and his history and merge this.
Identity Development in Adopted Children:
* Brodzinsky - children learn the meaning of adoption in developmental stages: issues of "special-ness", difference, loss, rejection, unworthiness, fantasies, anxieties re: birth family.
* Adolescence is a time for identity consolidation. Questions of how one can"be" in the world and where one belongs need to be worked through to form a coherent story. It can be a time of confusion and turmoil for adopted people.
* Adopted adults are still often faced with issues of whether and how they can relate to their biological families. Adulthood brings with it a greater interest in genealogy and decisions as to whether or not to try to meet members of biological family, or deepen relationships/increase contact.
Open adoption practices impact on how these developmental stages are negotiated, but all adopted people grapple with the meaning of belonging and relatedness in a context of separation from biological family. "Adopted" is an assigned identity characteristic whose meanings have to be interpreted. Lack of physical resemblance to adoptive family may be issues for adoptees from overseas. Acknowledgment of difference and acknowledgment of similarity by the adoptive family vis-a-vis other families and how these are communicated, also will affect identity development in adopted children. The stigmatisation of adoptive families and of adoption broadly in the community may also lead to tension in embracing adoptive identity.
It is the obligation of adoptive parents to help children to embrace the adoptive aspects of their identity. Often there is grief where children wish their adoptive parents were there biological parents. It's important to regularly provide information and discuss things rather than waiting for the child to ask questions.
Helping a Child Maintain Roots:
* Life books, photo albums - of both child's birth family and yourselves - "building your child into the frame".
* Stories, language, positive respect for difference.
* Contact with birth family, including siblings who are often forgotten about.
* Contact with other adoptive families (this is very important).
* Even if the child does not always ask questions or seem to be interested, they are.
This agency will provide post placement support including grief counseling. They may help with professional services and finances.
Three profiles equal three different lives the child could have had. It can be helpful to explain their birth mother chose you.
Attachment
What is attachment?
* Bonding
* Love
* Security
* Basic need fulfilled
* Trust
* Relationship
* Sharing
* Sense of knowing
Attachment is an affectionate bond between two people that endures through space and time and serves to join them emotionally. When children have strong attachment to a parent it allows them to develop both trust for others and self reliance. The experience of high quality care giving with at least one person who is committed to them is fundamental to a child's wellbeing and later psychological functioning.
The trust attachment cycle:
Need -> Tension / Arousal -> Cry -> Caring Response* -> Gratification -> Need, ect...
* a caring response can be speech, touch, eye contact, smiling, rocking, bouncing, etc.
How else is attachment nurtured?
* Routine.
* Meeting their needs.
* Intimacy.
* Having someone respond when they cry.
* Being fed when hungry.
* Being cleaned when dirty.
* Feeling safe.
* Routine boundaries.
* Feeling wanted, loved, like they belong.
* Being encouraged and praised.
* Consistent parenting.
* Attunement to the child's feelings and needs.
Why is attachment important? Attachment helps a child to:
* Attain their full intellectual potential.
* Sort out what they perceive.
* Develop their social awareness.
* Think logically.
* Develop a conscience.
* Trust others.
* Become self reliant.
* Better cope with stress and frustration.
* Reduce feelings of jealousy.
* Overcome common fears and worries.
* Increase feelings of self worth.
* Regulate emotional responses and reactions.
Adoption has a considerable impact on a child's development. For example: One or more moves of caregiver with associated breaks in attachment equal trauma with effect on the child's brain form and function.
Adoption and Attachment
Tasks of Infancy, ages 0 - 2 years:
* Develop primary attachment by having basic needs met. i.e. for feeding, changing, holding, cuddling.
* Basic motor development (sit, reach, stand, crawl, walk).
* Word recognition.
* Begin to explore the environment (e.g. go on walks/play with toys).
Additional tasks for an adopted infant:
* Because of change/s in caregivers, they need to overcome anxiety that their needs will not be met.
* Rebuild trust in parents/caregivers' permanency.
Ways to assist:
* Help baby feel safe and loved!
* Lots of social interaction e.g. songs, smiles, exaggerated facial/body expressions, touch, etc.
* At least one parent to stay home for 12 months with the child to develop close bonding.
* Baby not to be handed to wider family or visitors and parent to educate them about this.
* Use of transitional objects e.g. blankets, teddy - familiar to senses.
For at least the first week it's important that only the adoptive parents hold the baby. Both Mum & Dad should be home together and avoid going out and seeing other people for at least one week. After the change in caregivers it can be scary for a baby to be handed off to different people and can be confusing as they will wonder who these people are and who will care for them.
During the transition adoptive parents can give the baby a blanket to sleep with at the foster parent's house. First you place it between the mattress and the sheet and sleep on it so it smells like you. It's important to avoid changing perfumes, deodorants or other scents when the baby is still getting used to you. You can also give a teddy or toy for the baby to have at the foster parent's house that they will bring home.
Guest Speaker - Relinquishing Mother
Notes:
* The speaker is from Vanish and recommends ARMS for relinquishing mothers.
* She did not make the choice to adopt herself.
* When the baby was taken she took a nappy pin to remember her by.
* Her daughter came looking for her as an adult for medical information.
* Even after the reunion the birth mother still feels the separation.
* There's a feeling of inability to provide anything for the child.
* She feels a sense of disappointment in herself that has never gone away.
* Most adopted children start wanting more information in their mid to late teens, especialy about any natural skills, abilities and interests that they don't share with their adoptive family.
Reflections on Session
Additional Resources Provided
The Primal Wound: Effects of Separation from the Birthmother on Adopted Children, by Nancy Verrier.
Dear Birthmother, by Kathleen Silber & Phylis Speedlin
Birthparent Grief, by Brenda Romanchik.
Lifelong Issues in Adoption, by Deborah Silverstein and Sharon Kaplan
Attachment Cycles, by Nancy Birge
Child Development, by Vera Fahlberg and Mary Sheridan
Getting Ready for Adoption / Permanent Placement
Characteristics of the Securely Attached Child & School Readiness
Tools for Helping Adopted Youngsters Cope with Grief and Loss
Genogram Information Sheets
* Welcome and Housekeeping
* Confidentiality
* Ice Breaker
* Aims of the Sessions
* Myths of Adoption
* Historical Context
Morning Tea
* Guest Speaker - Adoptive Parent
* How Does A Child Come To Be Adopted?
* Genograms / Circle of Support
Lunch
* Identity Development in Adopted Children
* Attachment
* Guest Speaker - Relinquishing Mother
* Reflection on Session / Next Week
Welcome and Housekeeping
The duration of today's session: 10am - 4pm
Location of toilets, and tea & coffee.
Mobiles to be turned off.
Smoke outside the building.
Lunch is an hour break, shops are nearby.
Today's group is unusually large and has approx. 40 people or 20 couples.
They offer choice counseling and have the CHOICES program to support women under 25.
Confidentiality
What is said in this group. During these sessions you may hear some personal stories, feelings and emotions from speakers, staff and your fellow group members. It is essential that people feel that their privacy is being respected so that they can feel "safe" to share these things.
Ice Breaker
Introductions. Say your name and state three things about yourself.
Aims of these Sessions
* To provide you with information to allow you to explore sensitive issues common fears and anxieties.
* To assist you to recognise that adoption involves three people physically, emotionally and psychologically; however there may be more people and relationships involved.
* To understand the lifelong nature and impact of adoption for all of the parties involved.
* Examine their personal motivation for becoming adoptive parents.
* Consider their individual and joint expectations of adoptive parenting.
* Consider whether adoption is for you. Many people at this session may not have decided if adoption is for them.
Some fears of prospective adoptive parents are that they will not be the 'real' parent, talking about adoption with kids, worries about known & unknown genetics, relationships with birth families, the possibility of conception following adoption, feeling adoption is 2nd best to biological children, dealing with the grief of infertility, fears of bonding with child, concerns about being a good parent, and a feeling of unpreparedness without nine months of pregnancy to get ready - you could get a call on Monday and become a parent on Friday.
Program Overview.
Adoption and Permanent Care services in Victoria.
Our roles and responsibilities.
You can have a dual listing for Permanent Care and Infant Adoption.
Myths of Adoption
Adoption is not common knowledge in Australia. Many people don't believe infant adoption exists in Victoria.
Myths concerning adoptees -
* Adopted people only seek information about or contact with their birth family if they are unhappy in their relationship with their adoptive parents, or if it is somehow 'lacking'.
* Once the adoptee had contact with his/her birth family, his/her relationship with their adoptive parents will be diminished.
* Adoptees who do not talk or ask about their adoption or their birth families are not curious about their genealogical origins.
* You can't miss what you've never known. Seeing parts of yourself in other family members is reassuring.
Myths concerning adoptive parents -
* Raising an adopted child is identical to raising a biological child - you have the same benefits and difficulties but with the extra pressure of issues surrounding the child's identity and the birth family.
* Adoptive parents are super parents who have no difficulties in parenting.
* Adoptive parents are ordinary parents who have the same job as everyone else.
* The objective of adoptive parenting is to wipe out a child's past as though it had never happened.
* Obtaining a child through adoption is easy or hard.
Myths concerning birth parents -
* People who relinquish a child should get on with their life and forget the experience. They should leave the past in the past.
* Birthmothers and fathers did not want to leave the baby.
* Birthfathers have no significance beyond being the 'sperm donor' for adoption. Actually, birthfathers are often neglected by the adoption process. Birthmothers can choose not to involve the birthfather.
* Birth parents made a choice. Signing consent to adoption is like signing any other contract in life.
* Birth parents are young teenagers.
Historical Context
Mid 19th century to 1928:
* Adoption did not exist as a legal entity.
* No organised foster care system.
* Public concern about the practices of 'baby farmers' led to the passing of the Infant Life Protection Act in the late nineteenth century. This allowed for mild screening and regulation of carers of children.
* There were Children's Homes and 'boarding out'.
* Children were stigmatised by 'illegitimacy'.
Victorian Adoption Act (Vic) 1928:
* Strongly motivated by considerations of inheritance.
* First permanent way for couples who were unable to have children to become parents and legitimise their children's status.
* New registration of birth was created. Secrecy was seen as desirable but could not be guaranteed.
* Private or 'solicitor's' adoptions were made, as well as through agencies and government.
Adoption Act (Vic) 1964:
* Adoptions could only be arranged by Government approved agencies. There were no more private or solicitor's adoptions.
* Adoptions can be made via Dispensation of Consent. This can happen where the parents can't or won't sign the order or no one knows where they are. When the parents disappear after birth and before giving consent this is considered abandonment and babies are usually placed through the Permanent Care program but they do sometimes go through the Infant Adoption program with Dispensation of Consent.
* Family adoptions were seen as too confusing for those involved. You're no longer able to adopt a sisters baby (for example), instead you have to go to court to get a Parenting Order.
* Highest number of adoptions per year occurred in the 60s and 70s. In 1968 there were 1800 adoptions in Victoria alone.
* By the mid 70's birth parents and adopted persons were actively campaigning for more open adoptions and access to information.
* Birth parents wanted to be reassured that the baby was alive, safe and happy. People started talking about adoption more openly. Some birth parents were concerned about letting adoptees know about breast cancer and other genetic diseases.
* Adoptees wanted to read where they came from. Turning up on door steps was and is rare.
Adoption Act (Vic) 1984:
* Open Adoption practices began in Victoria, the first State in Australia and the first place in the western world.
* After an adoptee turns 18 years old she/he has the right to receive identifying information. Before then the agency may be able to provide answers to any questions adoptees and adoptive parents have. The agency will hold onto the original birth certificate until the child turns 18.
* Birth parents are able to be given identifying information but only with the consent of the adopted person.
* Prior to the child turning 18, identifying information is only to be provided with the written consent of the adoptive parents and the birth parents.
* Differing levels of access to information available via the Adoption Information Services for those involved in past (closed) adoptions and their relatives.
* Recognition of the rights of children of adopted people to information about their parent's adoption.
* Mandatory relinquishment counseling for birth parents - a minimum of 3 sessions before the child can legally be relinquished.
Adoption in Victoria now:
* Since 1984, at the time of relinquishment, birth parents can express wishes regarding religion, race, and ethnic background of the adoptive parents, as well as regarding contact with the child and the exchange of information (e.g. letters/photos) to occur whilst the child is growing up. These my be a condition of the Adoption Order. They may also specify if they would like the child raised as the youngest of four, an only child, etc.
* The average number of local adoptions in Victoria is 15 over the last few years.
* Birth parents are coming from more complex backgrounds and babies are quite often older when placed (between 2 - 12 months).
* Babies are able to be in foster care for as long as needed while the birth family makes their decision. However after six months in care pressure is put on birth parents to make the decision to parent the child or place them for adoption.
* Agencies promote openness and encourage against living a lie.
* Social workers now try to record small details (first tooth, first steps, etc...) on the records of adoptees.
* Adoptive parents are also encouraged to record all the details of the initial meeting with the birth parent as this may be the only contact you have and can provide some answers for adopted children later on.
Possible reasons for lower numbers:
* Better birth control available.
* Less stigma for single parents.
* Greater availability of financial support to sole parents.
* Availability of safe, legal terminations of pregnancy.
* Enhanced range of fertility treatments and other parenting options (e.g. inter-country adoption) for prospective parents.
* The future - equal rights to access for birth mothers veto.
It's important to consider the impact of the adoption process. In the future we may regret things like reissuing birth certificates with the adoptive parents information. The hope is that being child focused will prevent regrets.
When a birth mother has signed an Adoption Order she is provided with three profiles that are chosen from the Central Resource Exchange to match their preferences as close as possible. The profiles in the CRE are 11,000 words or 30 pages long, from that the birth mother will be given 3 pages of non-identifying information. Birth families are encouraged to choose the family themselves as this tends to work best. Once they're chosen the prospective family will be contacted and will have 24 hours to say yes or no. From then on birth families are not able to change their mind. Within a week there will be an initial meeting if possible followed by the transfer of the baby from foster care to their adoptive parents.
Prospective adoptive parents are encouraged to say something if they feel the placement won't work. You have to learn to love the child, it doesn't just happen. Recently a placement broke down after the adoptive parents had wanted a boy, but adopted a girl. In this case the child is re-adopted and the adoptive parents will be placed back in the pool of prospective parents.
Previously women couldn't name the baby, now they are encouraged to name them. If the birth mother hasn't named the child, often nursing staff, social workers or foster carers will name the baby. The name will be on the birth certificate but adoptive parents have the right to change that name. In that case it's important to consider the significance of the name and whether the birth mother has requested that the name not be changed.
Guest Speaker - Adoptive Family
Notes -
* After 15 years of IVF they were surprised to be approved in July and to bring their daughter home in September. The adoption was legalised the following year in November.
* It was a special needs adoption due to unknown family history and medical concerns.
* There was nine days from the phone call to taking their daughter home.
* In that time they spent time with their daughter and her foster family at the foster parents house getting used to each other and learning about their daughter and her routine. She was her foster parents 75th foster child and they still keep in contact through email.
* The little girl was relinquished at the hospital where her mother thought she'd signed everything necessary and went missing for six months. As as result she was not placed for adoption until she was almost 12 months old.
* The adoptive mother feels angry when people ask about her daughters 'real' mother as she is her real mother. She feels that her daughter is "meant to be with us."
* Her daughter is treated the same as her cousins.
* When asked why they don't look alike she says that her daughter takes after the other side of the family. Only close friends and family know she is adopted.
* Her daughter has an album of her birth family, knows her birth mother's name and calls her "tummy mummy". The photos are important as her adoptive mother wants her to be able to recognise her birth mother if they meet again.
* Her birth mother was happy they kept the name she gave her.
* The birthmother hasn't told her family about the adoption, she doesn't know who the birth father is but has told her other children about her adopted child.
* The Adoption Order specifies two visits a year but the birth mother is yet to request a visit.
* The adoptive mother says if the adoption doesn't feel right, don't do it.
* It's important to spend the first week at home without visitors.
Genogram
* Common tool used in agency and clinical settings.
* Helps us to visually 'map' out our family background.
* Assists in reflecting upon family relationships and influences.
* Highlights patterns of intergenerational influence.
Homework to be completed before next session -
Complete genogram fo 3/4 generations, from grandparents through to children. Use an A3 piece of paper or computer program and record things such as name, age, gender, major life events, strength of relationships, etc.
Circle of Support
This identifies important people and places in our lives. It allows us to reflect on the strength, positives and negatives of those relationships - are they all 2 way? It allows us to address power imbalances and identifies the key support people and places. Circles of support are important in times of stress. It can indicate your resilience and ability to cope. If you feel you may need more support you may want to join some parenting groups, clubs, etc. Parenting is hard and you need someone to help and assist you, listen and help find solutions to any problems.
How Does A Child Come To Be Adopted?
What are some of the reasons for birth parents to consider adoption?
* Financial problems.
* Lack of support.
* Family pressure.
* Rape.
* Age - feel too old / young.
* Religious beliefs.
* Disability.
* Mental illness.
* Drug & alcohol abuse.
* Feelings of instability.
* Fear of not being able to provide a safe home.
* Long term illness.
Birthfamilies go through the five stages of grief. Feelings include ambivalence, shame, guilt, unworthiness and lack of self worth. They may feel sad, overwhelmed, angry, guilty, and denial. These feelings are part of a defense mechanism that allows gradual adjustment to prevent them from feeling overwhelmed by the situation, however these feelings must be over come for them to be able to move forward although the feelings will never entirely go away.
Before a child is able to be adopted the following has to happen -
* Conception - usually unplanned and may be unconsential.
* Pregnancy - often denied and hidden, meaning a possible lack of medical check ups and often the babies are not full term.
* Birth.
* Decision to relinquish (although this may happen at any stage).
* Adoption agency contact.
* Relinquishment counseling - must attend at least 3 sessions for intense education so they can provide an informed decision.
* Pre-adoptive foster care.
* Consent - can't be given until 16 days after birth. Following consent being given there is a 28 day cooling off period that can be extended by 14 days.
* Linking/birth parents are involved and specify what they want in an adoptive family.
* Transition from foster care to adoptive parents - usually five days. During this time adoptive parents will learn about their child's routine, likes, and dislikes through visits, taking the baby during the day and overnight visits.
* Placement and post-placement support.
* Legalisation - this takes 12 months from the placement during which time you need permission for travel and some medical treatment. It is done at the County Court and adoptive parents need to budget $3000-$5000 for a lawyer to represent them. If money is a problem this can be delayed.
Identity Development in Adopted Children
Identity - Consider the question, "Who am I?" Take five minutes to write down ten answers to that question. Quite likely you nominated your ethnicity, gender, age, marital status, occupation, where you live, and then going back, position in family of origin, where you were born &/or lived as a child, possibly something in relation to your parents' origins, maybe something about your politics, religion, likes/dislikes, etc. Hence you probably see your identity in terms of group memberships - race/nationality, sex, age group, social roles, community, family, attitude groups. Maybe you will have also noted things that you believe make you unique?
Consider the question from the point of view of an adult who was raised by adoptive parents. Which aspects of identity definition are likely to be more complicated? Knowledge of self is drawing on family knowledge. Differences for adopted people - culture/ethnicity, extended family, lack of knowledge about birth parents. Establishing a Life Story Book can help an adopted child understand where they came from, and hence who they are.
Development of identity is a crucial and ongoing task. Information on one's background & past assists a child to form a full picture of themselves; support, nurturing and openness help them to shape a positive sense of the future. Our history and roots are integral to our sense of identity. A child can learn about yours and his history and merge this.
Identity Development in Adopted Children:
* Brodzinsky - children learn the meaning of adoption in developmental stages: issues of "special-ness", difference, loss, rejection, unworthiness, fantasies, anxieties re: birth family.
* Adolescence is a time for identity consolidation. Questions of how one can"be" in the world and where one belongs need to be worked through to form a coherent story. It can be a time of confusion and turmoil for adopted people.
* Adopted adults are still often faced with issues of whether and how they can relate to their biological families. Adulthood brings with it a greater interest in genealogy and decisions as to whether or not to try to meet members of biological family, or deepen relationships/increase contact.
Open adoption practices impact on how these developmental stages are negotiated, but all adopted people grapple with the meaning of belonging and relatedness in a context of separation from biological family. "Adopted" is an assigned identity characteristic whose meanings have to be interpreted. Lack of physical resemblance to adoptive family may be issues for adoptees from overseas. Acknowledgment of difference and acknowledgment of similarity by the adoptive family vis-a-vis other families and how these are communicated, also will affect identity development in adopted children. The stigmatisation of adoptive families and of adoption broadly in the community may also lead to tension in embracing adoptive identity.
It is the obligation of adoptive parents to help children to embrace the adoptive aspects of their identity. Often there is grief where children wish their adoptive parents were there biological parents. It's important to regularly provide information and discuss things rather than waiting for the child to ask questions.
Helping a Child Maintain Roots:
* Life books, photo albums - of both child's birth family and yourselves - "building your child into the frame".
* Stories, language, positive respect for difference.
* Contact with birth family, including siblings who are often forgotten about.
* Contact with other adoptive families (this is very important).
* Even if the child does not always ask questions or seem to be interested, they are.
This agency will provide post placement support including grief counseling. They may help with professional services and finances.
Three profiles equal three different lives the child could have had. It can be helpful to explain their birth mother chose you.
Attachment
What is attachment?
* Bonding
* Love
* Security
* Basic need fulfilled
* Trust
* Relationship
* Sharing
* Sense of knowing
Attachment is an affectionate bond between two people that endures through space and time and serves to join them emotionally. When children have strong attachment to a parent it allows them to develop both trust for others and self reliance. The experience of high quality care giving with at least one person who is committed to them is fundamental to a child's wellbeing and later psychological functioning.
The trust attachment cycle:
Need -> Tension / Arousal -> Cry -> Caring Response* -> Gratification -> Need, ect...
* a caring response can be speech, touch, eye contact, smiling, rocking, bouncing, etc.
How else is attachment nurtured?
* Routine.
* Meeting their needs.
* Intimacy.
* Having someone respond when they cry.
* Being fed when hungry.
* Being cleaned when dirty.
* Feeling safe.
* Routine boundaries.
* Feeling wanted, loved, like they belong.
* Being encouraged and praised.
* Consistent parenting.
* Attunement to the child's feelings and needs.
Why is attachment important? Attachment helps a child to:
* Attain their full intellectual potential.
* Sort out what they perceive.
* Develop their social awareness.
* Think logically.
* Develop a conscience.
* Trust others.
* Become self reliant.
* Better cope with stress and frustration.
* Reduce feelings of jealousy.
* Overcome common fears and worries.
* Increase feelings of self worth.
* Regulate emotional responses and reactions.
Adoption has a considerable impact on a child's development. For example: One or more moves of caregiver with associated breaks in attachment equal trauma with effect on the child's brain form and function.
Adoption and Attachment
Tasks of Infancy, ages 0 - 2 years:
* Develop primary attachment by having basic needs met. i.e. for feeding, changing, holding, cuddling.
* Basic motor development (sit, reach, stand, crawl, walk).
* Word recognition.
* Begin to explore the environment (e.g. go on walks/play with toys).
Additional tasks for an adopted infant:
* Because of change/s in caregivers, they need to overcome anxiety that their needs will not be met.
* Rebuild trust in parents/caregivers' permanency.
Ways to assist:
* Help baby feel safe and loved!
* Lots of social interaction e.g. songs, smiles, exaggerated facial/body expressions, touch, etc.
* At least one parent to stay home for 12 months with the child to develop close bonding.
* Baby not to be handed to wider family or visitors and parent to educate them about this.
* Use of transitional objects e.g. blankets, teddy - familiar to senses.
For at least the first week it's important that only the adoptive parents hold the baby. Both Mum & Dad should be home together and avoid going out and seeing other people for at least one week. After the change in caregivers it can be scary for a baby to be handed off to different people and can be confusing as they will wonder who these people are and who will care for them.
During the transition adoptive parents can give the baby a blanket to sleep with at the foster parent's house. First you place it between the mattress and the sheet and sleep on it so it smells like you. It's important to avoid changing perfumes, deodorants or other scents when the baby is still getting used to you. You can also give a teddy or toy for the baby to have at the foster parent's house that they will bring home.
Guest Speaker - Relinquishing Mother
Notes:
* The speaker is from Vanish and recommends ARMS for relinquishing mothers.
* She did not make the choice to adopt herself.
* When the baby was taken she took a nappy pin to remember her by.
* Her daughter came looking for her as an adult for medical information.
* Even after the reunion the birth mother still feels the separation.
* There's a feeling of inability to provide anything for the child.
* She feels a sense of disappointment in herself that has never gone away.
* Most adopted children start wanting more information in their mid to late teens, especialy about any natural skills, abilities and interests that they don't share with their adoptive family.
Reflections on Session
Additional Resources Provided
The Primal Wound: Effects of Separation from the Birthmother on Adopted Children, by Nancy Verrier.
Dear Birthmother, by Kathleen Silber & Phylis Speedlin
Birthparent Grief, by Brenda Romanchik.
Lifelong Issues in Adoption, by Deborah Silverstein and Sharon Kaplan
Attachment Cycles, by Nancy Birge
Child Development, by Vera Fahlberg and Mary Sheridan
Getting Ready for Adoption / Permanent Placement
Characteristics of the Securely Attached Child & School Readiness
Tools for Helping Adopted Youngsters Cope with Grief and Loss
Genogram Information Sheets
